“The best things in life are free,” so said Neale Donald Walsch (and others)- American author, screenwriter and speaker. Walsch, however, much like many other ignorant Americans has never traveled many miles by TFL, on a crisp (bloody cold) May evening, to participate in a mildly competitive game of the most amateurish standard of God’s own game- the ten pound match fee a token charge for the experiences and stories that follow in this report.
Even before a ball was bowled, the players were reveling/left reeling due to a unique quirk of the away ground. Having trudged a good mile from the changing rooms to the green, green, grass of the paddock (and wicket) the players began to de-strip from various work clothes and Thursday lounging gears (Chairman) only to be greeted by a tirade from a rather batty, old white man declaring that he ‘did not want to see underpants’ and that players should make the short trek back to the ‘new and very expensive (‘crispy’ clearly not in his linguistic armory?!?)’ changing rooms. This wasn’t the sort of warm up that some of the players in the ranks were expecting and messers Alex ‘John’ Carew (recently discovered Five Guys), Mark ‘Conners has put on some timber’ Conway (think Samit Patel said an unimpressed director of cricket- H.Rudkin) and unnamed others were reeling as CTCCC took the field after the Chairman lost the toss. . . What followed was a consistent line and length and some inauspicious batting from the opposition- who somehow managed to plink their way to a respectable 140ish from their 20 overs. . . . (Yawn). And so followed the chase. “Gorgeous hair is the best revenge,” so said Ivanka Trump – American businesswoman, fashion designer, author, reality television personality and offspring of the world’s most feral humanoid. Mrs Kushner, however, has never recovered from a long lasting mental battle against her own technique and the deepest darkest mind games that can ensure with a propensity to chase a wide one early on. H Rudkin, knowing himself that his chances of maintaining a ‘gorgeous’ salad might be slowly failing him took on the challenge of raining in his natural instincts and challenged his mental frailties head on. It was an innings, which had shades of the mighty Steve Waugh at Melbourne 2003, who despite a lengthy barrage from Caddick and co. declined to play a hook shot all day. In this case, Caddick and co., was replaced by a man the opposition called ‘weirdo’ (think ET goes home) bowling what can only be described as grenades alla G. Dean (but far far slower). He sent down half volley after half volley only for Rudders to shoulder arms. 55 of the reddest runs followed. Triumph was, of course, secured by elegance personified, Ed ‘the Head (boy)’ Pearson, who made a mockery of the oppos’ dire attack and Shaws’/ Sherwins’ dismal dismissals to dispatch the bowling to all parts and send us to a local pub with the first victory under our belts.
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CtC today passed a further £70 to Cricket Builds Hope which was gratefully received by project director Geordie Morrison. This is in addition to the £13,000 raised earlier in the year.
Fresh from a pre-season tour to Rwanda CtC approach the new season with some optimism as they seek to improve on last season's run to the final.
The 16 man squad from last season has been retained in full, despite rumors of wide scale defections to And That's Lunch. In addition two new members have been added in an official capacity to the LMS squad, though both are well known to the club, and indeed played several times in the format last year - Ed Pearson and Tom Sherwin. With Hammond now officially ahead of Cassels B in the world rankings, perhaps the biggest question is whether Cass can respond, or how many others could power past him with Henry Rudkin, Jack Dillon and Jamie Rutt all within touching distance. The bowling is even closer, with Rupert Rudkin still ahead, but Davidson, Hammond and Rutt all in hot pursuit. At the request of the Director of Cricket we have moved from the Kennington Thursday league to the Wednesday renewal which gives us five new teams to face. Bamber's Bandits appear to be the strongest of the bunch with a world ranking of 1759, though their 8 wicket win over LMS debutantes Grays Inn Old Giffers last week suggests they may have strengthened over the winter. HCS Wanderers are also new to the format whilst The Jiminy Crickets are also in their first season, but have played a warm-up, a defeat to our old friends Zapoi by racked up 217-1. The league is completed by The Platinum Ducks complete league and will surely be looking to improve on their 0/10 record last season (which did feature a draw, to be fair). Director of Cricket Henry Rudkin commented "This season presents a whole new array of challenges on the pitch, with the club fighting on numerous fronts, 8 aside LMS, and a strong mix of 40 over red ball cricket together with some conventional white ball cricket. And we also play 7 aside knockout cricket [on tour in Frenace]. CtCCCC inadvertently are becoming innovators of the game and are leaving the ECB behind" Social Sec Ben Cassels took a more cautious tone "I'm concerned that the move to Wednesdays will destroy the valuable drinking culture that I heard developed after many games on Thursdays. Moving to Wednesday to accommodate the Rudkin brothers summer property drinks seems a real shame. This coupled with the closure of our favorite Burgess Park our makes me nervous for the season ahead" Hugh Pemberton simply added "FIREUPBEYYYYYYYYYS" |
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October 2023
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