There is a saying in France which goes “Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid”. I am reliably informed by one of our esteemed team linguists that, although there isn’t an equivalent expression in English, an approximate translation is “little by little, the bird makes its nest”. This will mean little to you now, but, by the end of the report, I hope it will make a little bit of sense.
For now, as with all great epics, the best place to start is at the beginning. France has taught the world to love, cook and dress. It is the home of wine and the cradle of gastronomy. French cities and women are, to many, the most alluring on the planet. But something is amiss. Since winning a silver medal in the 1900 Olympics, France’s cricketing stock has plummeted. With this in mind, the chairman temporarily relocated to the French Riviera to contemplate one key question: was the time right for his eager ‘rosbifs’ to summon the spirit of Agincourt and get one over Britain’s oldest of enemies? After conducting a detailed internet based scouting exercise he decided it was. But you can’t run before you can walk and the chairman knows that better than most. As such, he put together an advanced party to conduct a preliminary raid in the rugged hills above Grasse. The French offered only brief resistance before capitulating entirely. All was going to plan, but we all knew this was only the beginning. The real challenge lay in the rainier, greener and less affluent North of France. After the entrée of Monatour, the scene was now set for the plat principal: Brittourney.
This tour will be remembered in years to come as the first of the “driving tours”. The squad travelled in two conventional hatchback cars and (inexplicably and unacceptably) a Foxton’s mini cooper. Quite an evolution from the club’s humble beginning on bicycles. As the ferry pulled out of Portsmouth harbour the tourists exchanged jokes over warm cans of John Smith’s. After our catamaran glided past the new built HMS Elizabeth and a number of other examples (past and present) of British sea power, certain individuals caught sight of the Solent forts. Oli “the Educator” Roberts explained to me that these granite bastions had been constructed to defend Portsmouth’s dockyard from French invasion during the Napolenonic era. I couldn’t help but wonder how the French batsmen would try and defend themselves against arguably the strongest seam bowling attack the club had ever taken on tour.
After the ferry and a subsequent hour long Davidson induced detour the squad met up with its man on the ground (Dillon). Brittany looked and felt like Norfolk in October with its grey skies, gentle coastline and faded shop fronts. The team were in good spirits then sat down for a lunch of what could only be described as sea slugs floating in pond water. After the slurping was complete, the squad headed to its nearby lodgings. For the first time in years CtCCCC was not based in a plush urban penthouse - we had gone rustique. Pushing any disappointments about the accommodation aside, the team headed down to the beach to conduct an open training session in front of some intrigued passing Bretons. With final match preparations now complete, everyone headed back to the gîte to think about the magnitude of the task ahead of them and eat some more slime that had recently been dragged out of the sea.
Matchday One
I couldn’t help but notice a certain swagger as I watched the team stride through the campsite towards the Chateau/cricket pitch/adventure playground/campsite toilet complex. CtCCCC had not lost a series on tour since 2014 and had every intention of maintaining that record. There may or may not have been a toss. The chairman may or may not have called any toss that did take place successfully. Either way, we had elected to field. With a hopeless opening pair, an unpredictable middle order and only a modicum of talent in the lower order, it is fair to say there were concerns about the strength of CTCCCC’s batting. It was therefore imperative that opening bowlers Ollie Fairbank and Eric Heath didn’t let Les Ormes get off to a flier.
Les Ormes got off to a flier. The jovial opener, Snelling, merrily carved, cut and carted his way to his highest ever score (47). Chances in the field went begging as an intimidating run total beckoned. Fairbank missed a tough good caught and bowled but then held on to an easier one from Valice. However, given the rate the runs had been coming at, CtCCCC were still well up against it. Gimson, who had been watching all of this from his vantage point at gully, sensed both a personal and collective opportunity. Could he embarrass the more talented illustrious Leeds University alumni and get CtCCCC into the game? The Chairman threw him the ball. The slip cordon collectively drew a sharp intake of breath. They needn’t have worried. Gimmers’ trademark heavy balls were on the money from the start, moving in the air and off the deck. Gimmers deservedly had Snelling caught behind just short of his half century and Pradeep hit a full bunger straight to Davidson at point. Meanwhile, Bala was enjoying himself, grinning furiously as he hit a couple good looking shots through point and cover. Two could play at this game though and Gimmers had the last laugh. Bala out strangled. Davidson was also having fun in the sun and after some consistent bowling from the Chateau end cleaned up big Wayne Akroyd’s stumps before he could get going. Gimmers continued with his good work, pinning Green and having Clowns caught (another full bunger). But Les Ormes kept on coming. Pranav had survived a shaky start (and a big caught behind shout) and was now starting to move through the gears. This was a big period of the game. Some of the larger CtCCCC lads were starting to struggle in the heat. Not Baggo. Dean chucked him the ball. The team would have forgiven the man a loosener or two. This isn’t the way Baggo operates. His first ball was on target but Robb still took it on. Big mistake. The ball ballooned up off the bat into the air. Dillon is directly underneath it at Midwicket. Baggo didn’t care for him. If you want something doing, do it yourself. “BAGGOOOOOOOO’s” he screamed as he sped towards the ball like a man possessed. He dived. Gottim. The team goes mad and Baggo sets off for his customary Dwayne Leverock style lap of honour. But there is still work to do – the game isn’t over. Pranav is still in and tucking into Pembo’s weird mates’ bowling (Beef thief and Brennan). The chairman, fielding at square leg, drops a sitter but then gathers himself to catch Hird off Baggo. The innings finishes up with Davo removing the middle peg of a retired Hong Kong Policeman (Coxy). However, les Ormes end with a good score of 206.
With no Cassels brothers on tour, it fell to Dean and Shaw to open the batting. Dean gallantly offered to take care of the first ball but, alas, this is all he can manage. Out bowled the following delivery by one that nipped in just enough. CtCCCC’s only proper batsman on tour, Rudders, now came to the crease, bristling with attacking intent. He played just the one defensive shot and looked to score off literally every other delivery. He attacks all of the short balls in his customary unorthodox (and some would say unconvincing) manner. After a couple of lusty drives for four, he is bowled for 16. You live by the sword, you die by the sword. Dillion is in next and carries on where Rudders left off, playing big shots from the start of his innings. Meanwhile, Shaw has been busy lowering the tempo of the match by playing exclusively forward defensive strokes. After the openers get bored of this tedium and take themselves off, he is caught at backward point (playing his first attacking stroke) for 10 off the bowling of Hird. Dillon is also caught for 10 shortly afterwards limply driving to cover point. This leaves fellow cannons, Pemberton and Brennan, to clean up what is rapidly becoming a bit of a mess. After getting his first (2) runs for the club, Brennan hangs his bat out and is caught by the keeper. Pemberton, however, is a different beast these days. I use the word ‘beast’ deliberately; whilst his physique has remained constant in recent years, his batting technique has improved markedly. Many in the team were reminded of his heroics of yesteryear at Fishponds Fields as he hit the Les Ormes bowlers all around the park. Baggo provided Pemberton with able support, smashing one enormous six over deep mid-wicket. Just as CTCCCC started to dream, Baggo is bowled for 23. Davoe joins his sometime cousin at the crease just in time to see Pemberton reach his 50. Pemberton’s excellent innings came to an end when he top edged the devilishly slow Cox to gully (59). Now we are into the bowlers and still a good 50 runs from home. Gimmers missed a straight one first up and Fairbank strolled out to meet Davoe in the middle. Davoe ticked along in an unexciting but effective manner and Fairbank was putting the bad balls away nicely. People are starting to believe again. Side note, this could be because by this point everyone has given up the dream of enjoying cold Kronenbourgs in the sun and have settled for the warm 11% monstrosities that were the only beer on offer in the camp site’s shop (which was quite simply not fit for purpose on a number of different levels). Anyway, the dream quickly turns into a nightmare as Fairbank is out caught by the keeper off the bowling of the wily Hird with 29 needed. It is now down to Davidson and the Beef Thief to bring the bacon home. Things are looking good when Beef Thief laces a full toss towards the cover boundary. But what is this? Bala has taken a worldy low to his left at short extra cover? There are people on the pitch. They think it’s all over and they are in fact correct. CtCCCC falls 28 runs short in a closely fought contest. Les Ormes celebrate like its 1998 as CtCCCC lose for the first time on French soil.
Questions were asked over pizza at the camp site later. What if we had actually taken some capable batsmen on tour? Is Gimmers a batsman or a bowler? Would Dean have ripped through Les Ormes had he been passed fit to bowl? Why were the queues so long in the camp site shop? Would we have to write a letter of apology to the Foreign Secretary if we lost both games? No firm conclusions were reached and people had started to dribble and/or froth a little. I talked property prices with Coxy and a man who ran a motorbike business in Thailand. Others danced and sang the Moen Ali song, to the annoyance of the camp site’s security team. Then it was back to the gîte for more firing up and dribbling.
Matchday Two
Game day two gave CtCCCC the chance to some wrongs and settle some scores. This was not going to be easy; the opposition had got themselves into CtCCCC swedes with talk of fielding a much stronger side. When we got to the ground, word reached us that the mischievous Snelling had driven off in mysterious fashion early in the morning, leaving them a player short. A man in black trousers who was barely able to move replaced him. This weakened Les Ormes. The omens were good. Another rigged toss meant we once again bowled first. Gun batsman Rana was in first up, but rapped on the pads by Fairbank second ball of the innings. Out! Out! Out! Triggered before CtCCCC had a chance to appeal. Had Rana poisoned one or all of the umpire’s pets? Had he taken the jam out of his croissant? Who cares, CtCCCC were cock-a-hoop and even more so when Fairbank claimed another lbw victim shortly afterwards. 8-2 and the form book was out of the window. West Indies were beating England in the test. Was today the day of the underdog?
Davoe was also bowling well, roughing up Valice with one that leapt off the deck and conked him the cheek. Davoe was desperate for him to call for a lid but frankly the man had too much style for that. Gimmers was brought into the attack and had him out lbw in his second over. 59-3 and something was bound to go wrong. That something was the hundred run partnership between Bala and Wayne that ensued. Bala is once again looking good and makes his way to 87. Dean gambles by bringing back Fairbank. CtCCCC really need this to work and it does. Bala uppishly drives in the direction of the Chairman. The ball is coming at him around waist height and even by CTCCCC’s standard this is an easy catch. However, Dean is desperate to see that that his knees are cut as much as possible so he throws himself on the floor and takes the ball well above his head in the manner of David Seaman at Euro 96.
It was 167-4 and CtCCCC were still in the soup. Somebody needed to stop Wayne, who was seeing the ball like a gigantic neon yellow beach ball. Baggo challenged him to a game of chess, moving pieces around the board frantically, desperate to stop the rot. Unfortunately, Wayne was picking up those pieces and smashing them with disdain towards the large pond that lay a hundred metres or so over Baggo’s head. Thankfully, Wayne was quickly running out of partners and energy. Pradeep didn’t last long before being caught by Dean at mid-off from the bowling of the persistent Baggo. Baggo also cleaned up a mild mannered French mariner by the name of Hedgde who was sporting aviators and a white helmet. Beef Thief bowled with heart and got his just rewards by taking a sharp caught and bowled and then duly cleaned up Hird. Green was caught by Rudders at point off Davidson. Wayne was carrying on his merry way, however, and he was the last to go, the burly Yorkshireman bowled for 115 with one that kept low. Les Ormes finished with 267, but CtCCCC had taken the last six wickets for 42 runs and had arguably wrestled the momentum away from the French outfit.
At the interval the club’s brain trust gathered to discuss the approach and batting line up. The Chairman rolled the dice, opting for the combative combination of Rudders and Gimmers. The gamble paid off, with CtCCCC getting off to a flyer. Rudders set the tone with a high tempo 36, finding useful support from Gimmers (14). Dillon came in next and after surviving some scares early took the fight to the Les Ormes attack. After a number of memorable drives and pulls, Dillon eventually perished for an excellent 57 leaving Rory to remind Pemberton of the rules of the game, how to hold the bat, tell him when to run etc. Pemberton carried on where he had left off in the first innings. He even ran a couple of the face of the bat down to fine leg. After Hugh was caught for 25, his weird mate Brennan replace him in the middle. Wayne was bowling and beginning to blow. Brennan sensed his opportunity. When Wayne pitched one up just a fraction too much the ginger genius pounced. Bang! The ball went straight over Wayne’s head and up, up and away over the boundary for six. The CtCCCC dugout erupted and Wayne cursed furiously at himself and Brennan (the “little f*cker”) as he trundled back to his mark. Perhaps Brennan shouldn’t have made Wayne angry. His response was an effort ball that castled Brennan just two balls later. However, the game was now anyone’s as the Fawnbrake axis of Shaw and Davidson looked to find the remaining 35 or so runs. Unfortunately, Shaw couldn’t resist trying to plunder some runs off Coxy’s last over and was stumped attempting the ugliest of cross batted swats. The scene couldn’t have been better set for Dean, who knew that in this particular moment obstinance and concentration were more valuable than cricketing ability. Sadly, he got a ball with his name on. As the ball cannoned into the stumps, Dean squeaked a profanity loudly and briefly threatened to cry. Davidson remained statue like at the other end. He had been nurdling and nudging away with great effect for some time, but it was going to take two to tango. Luckily, the club’s specialist finisher, Fairbank, was in next and these two were able to find the remaining 25 runs with 3.2 overs to spare. The only injustice was that Fairbank hit the winning runs, ending with an invaluable 15*. Davo ended on 76*. A match winning knock if ever there was one. His opus magnum. On the boundary the following words were used to describe Rory’s innings: “surprising” “boring” “chanceless” “non-aerial”. I said nothing and smiled to myself and glanced whistfully at the shadow of the chateau that had by now spread itself across the bottom half of the outfield. “Little by little, the bird makes its nest”. I couldn’t have put it better myself.
So the series was drawn 1-1. Few could argue this was anything other than a fair result. A charming little presentation in front of the Chateau ensued with Davoe and Dean given ties to reflect their superb cricketing and organisational performances respectively. The skipper offered Dean some positive feedback on his charges. Contrary to all evidence and perceived wisdom Les Ormes did not think we were a complete bunch of prats. We were even invited back to play them again. For many, that would be a welcome proposition one day. But for now, the focus turns to….. Africa.
Best Player – Rory Davdison
Best Tourist – Ollie Fairbank
Champagne Moment – Bagggooooooo shouting “Bagooooooo’s”
S.J.M. Shaw
For now, as with all great epics, the best place to start is at the beginning. France has taught the world to love, cook and dress. It is the home of wine and the cradle of gastronomy. French cities and women are, to many, the most alluring on the planet. But something is amiss. Since winning a silver medal in the 1900 Olympics, France’s cricketing stock has plummeted. With this in mind, the chairman temporarily relocated to the French Riviera to contemplate one key question: was the time right for his eager ‘rosbifs’ to summon the spirit of Agincourt and get one over Britain’s oldest of enemies? After conducting a detailed internet based scouting exercise he decided it was. But you can’t run before you can walk and the chairman knows that better than most. As such, he put together an advanced party to conduct a preliminary raid in the rugged hills above Grasse. The French offered only brief resistance before capitulating entirely. All was going to plan, but we all knew this was only the beginning. The real challenge lay in the rainier, greener and less affluent North of France. After the entrée of Monatour, the scene was now set for the plat principal: Brittourney.
This tour will be remembered in years to come as the first of the “driving tours”. The squad travelled in two conventional hatchback cars and (inexplicably and unacceptably) a Foxton’s mini cooper. Quite an evolution from the club’s humble beginning on bicycles. As the ferry pulled out of Portsmouth harbour the tourists exchanged jokes over warm cans of John Smith’s. After our catamaran glided past the new built HMS Elizabeth and a number of other examples (past and present) of British sea power, certain individuals caught sight of the Solent forts. Oli “the Educator” Roberts explained to me that these granite bastions had been constructed to defend Portsmouth’s dockyard from French invasion during the Napolenonic era. I couldn’t help but wonder how the French batsmen would try and defend themselves against arguably the strongest seam bowling attack the club had ever taken on tour.
After the ferry and a subsequent hour long Davidson induced detour the squad met up with its man on the ground (Dillon). Brittany looked and felt like Norfolk in October with its grey skies, gentle coastline and faded shop fronts. The team were in good spirits then sat down for a lunch of what could only be described as sea slugs floating in pond water. After the slurping was complete, the squad headed to its nearby lodgings. For the first time in years CtCCCC was not based in a plush urban penthouse - we had gone rustique. Pushing any disappointments about the accommodation aside, the team headed down to the beach to conduct an open training session in front of some intrigued passing Bretons. With final match preparations now complete, everyone headed back to the gîte to think about the magnitude of the task ahead of them and eat some more slime that had recently been dragged out of the sea.
Matchday One
I couldn’t help but notice a certain swagger as I watched the team stride through the campsite towards the Chateau/cricket pitch/adventure playground/campsite toilet complex. CtCCCC had not lost a series on tour since 2014 and had every intention of maintaining that record. There may or may not have been a toss. The chairman may or may not have called any toss that did take place successfully. Either way, we had elected to field. With a hopeless opening pair, an unpredictable middle order and only a modicum of talent in the lower order, it is fair to say there were concerns about the strength of CTCCCC’s batting. It was therefore imperative that opening bowlers Ollie Fairbank and Eric Heath didn’t let Les Ormes get off to a flier.
Les Ormes got off to a flier. The jovial opener, Snelling, merrily carved, cut and carted his way to his highest ever score (47). Chances in the field went begging as an intimidating run total beckoned. Fairbank missed a tough good caught and bowled but then held on to an easier one from Valice. However, given the rate the runs had been coming at, CtCCCC were still well up against it. Gimson, who had been watching all of this from his vantage point at gully, sensed both a personal and collective opportunity. Could he embarrass the more talented illustrious Leeds University alumni and get CtCCCC into the game? The Chairman threw him the ball. The slip cordon collectively drew a sharp intake of breath. They needn’t have worried. Gimmers’ trademark heavy balls were on the money from the start, moving in the air and off the deck. Gimmers deservedly had Snelling caught behind just short of his half century and Pradeep hit a full bunger straight to Davidson at point. Meanwhile, Bala was enjoying himself, grinning furiously as he hit a couple good looking shots through point and cover. Two could play at this game though and Gimmers had the last laugh. Bala out strangled. Davidson was also having fun in the sun and after some consistent bowling from the Chateau end cleaned up big Wayne Akroyd’s stumps before he could get going. Gimmers continued with his good work, pinning Green and having Clowns caught (another full bunger). But Les Ormes kept on coming. Pranav had survived a shaky start (and a big caught behind shout) and was now starting to move through the gears. This was a big period of the game. Some of the larger CtCCCC lads were starting to struggle in the heat. Not Baggo. Dean chucked him the ball. The team would have forgiven the man a loosener or two. This isn’t the way Baggo operates. His first ball was on target but Robb still took it on. Big mistake. The ball ballooned up off the bat into the air. Dillon is directly underneath it at Midwicket. Baggo didn’t care for him. If you want something doing, do it yourself. “BAGGOOOOOOOO’s” he screamed as he sped towards the ball like a man possessed. He dived. Gottim. The team goes mad and Baggo sets off for his customary Dwayne Leverock style lap of honour. But there is still work to do – the game isn’t over. Pranav is still in and tucking into Pembo’s weird mates’ bowling (Beef thief and Brennan). The chairman, fielding at square leg, drops a sitter but then gathers himself to catch Hird off Baggo. The innings finishes up with Davo removing the middle peg of a retired Hong Kong Policeman (Coxy). However, les Ormes end with a good score of 206.
With no Cassels brothers on tour, it fell to Dean and Shaw to open the batting. Dean gallantly offered to take care of the first ball but, alas, this is all he can manage. Out bowled the following delivery by one that nipped in just enough. CtCCCC’s only proper batsman on tour, Rudders, now came to the crease, bristling with attacking intent. He played just the one defensive shot and looked to score off literally every other delivery. He attacks all of the short balls in his customary unorthodox (and some would say unconvincing) manner. After a couple of lusty drives for four, he is bowled for 16. You live by the sword, you die by the sword. Dillion is in next and carries on where Rudders left off, playing big shots from the start of his innings. Meanwhile, Shaw has been busy lowering the tempo of the match by playing exclusively forward defensive strokes. After the openers get bored of this tedium and take themselves off, he is caught at backward point (playing his first attacking stroke) for 10 off the bowling of Hird. Dillon is also caught for 10 shortly afterwards limply driving to cover point. This leaves fellow cannons, Pemberton and Brennan, to clean up what is rapidly becoming a bit of a mess. After getting his first (2) runs for the club, Brennan hangs his bat out and is caught by the keeper. Pemberton, however, is a different beast these days. I use the word ‘beast’ deliberately; whilst his physique has remained constant in recent years, his batting technique has improved markedly. Many in the team were reminded of his heroics of yesteryear at Fishponds Fields as he hit the Les Ormes bowlers all around the park. Baggo provided Pemberton with able support, smashing one enormous six over deep mid-wicket. Just as CTCCCC started to dream, Baggo is bowled for 23. Davoe joins his sometime cousin at the crease just in time to see Pemberton reach his 50. Pemberton’s excellent innings came to an end when he top edged the devilishly slow Cox to gully (59). Now we are into the bowlers and still a good 50 runs from home. Gimmers missed a straight one first up and Fairbank strolled out to meet Davoe in the middle. Davoe ticked along in an unexciting but effective manner and Fairbank was putting the bad balls away nicely. People are starting to believe again. Side note, this could be because by this point everyone has given up the dream of enjoying cold Kronenbourgs in the sun and have settled for the warm 11% monstrosities that were the only beer on offer in the camp site’s shop (which was quite simply not fit for purpose on a number of different levels). Anyway, the dream quickly turns into a nightmare as Fairbank is out caught by the keeper off the bowling of the wily Hird with 29 needed. It is now down to Davidson and the Beef Thief to bring the bacon home. Things are looking good when Beef Thief laces a full toss towards the cover boundary. But what is this? Bala has taken a worldy low to his left at short extra cover? There are people on the pitch. They think it’s all over and they are in fact correct. CtCCCC falls 28 runs short in a closely fought contest. Les Ormes celebrate like its 1998 as CtCCCC lose for the first time on French soil.
Questions were asked over pizza at the camp site later. What if we had actually taken some capable batsmen on tour? Is Gimmers a batsman or a bowler? Would Dean have ripped through Les Ormes had he been passed fit to bowl? Why were the queues so long in the camp site shop? Would we have to write a letter of apology to the Foreign Secretary if we lost both games? No firm conclusions were reached and people had started to dribble and/or froth a little. I talked property prices with Coxy and a man who ran a motorbike business in Thailand. Others danced and sang the Moen Ali song, to the annoyance of the camp site’s security team. Then it was back to the gîte for more firing up and dribbling.
Matchday Two
Game day two gave CtCCCC the chance to some wrongs and settle some scores. This was not going to be easy; the opposition had got themselves into CtCCCC swedes with talk of fielding a much stronger side. When we got to the ground, word reached us that the mischievous Snelling had driven off in mysterious fashion early in the morning, leaving them a player short. A man in black trousers who was barely able to move replaced him. This weakened Les Ormes. The omens were good. Another rigged toss meant we once again bowled first. Gun batsman Rana was in first up, but rapped on the pads by Fairbank second ball of the innings. Out! Out! Out! Triggered before CtCCCC had a chance to appeal. Had Rana poisoned one or all of the umpire’s pets? Had he taken the jam out of his croissant? Who cares, CtCCCC were cock-a-hoop and even more so when Fairbank claimed another lbw victim shortly afterwards. 8-2 and the form book was out of the window. West Indies were beating England in the test. Was today the day of the underdog?
Davoe was also bowling well, roughing up Valice with one that leapt off the deck and conked him the cheek. Davoe was desperate for him to call for a lid but frankly the man had too much style for that. Gimmers was brought into the attack and had him out lbw in his second over. 59-3 and something was bound to go wrong. That something was the hundred run partnership between Bala and Wayne that ensued. Bala is once again looking good and makes his way to 87. Dean gambles by bringing back Fairbank. CtCCCC really need this to work and it does. Bala uppishly drives in the direction of the Chairman. The ball is coming at him around waist height and even by CTCCCC’s standard this is an easy catch. However, Dean is desperate to see that that his knees are cut as much as possible so he throws himself on the floor and takes the ball well above his head in the manner of David Seaman at Euro 96.
It was 167-4 and CtCCCC were still in the soup. Somebody needed to stop Wayne, who was seeing the ball like a gigantic neon yellow beach ball. Baggo challenged him to a game of chess, moving pieces around the board frantically, desperate to stop the rot. Unfortunately, Wayne was picking up those pieces and smashing them with disdain towards the large pond that lay a hundred metres or so over Baggo’s head. Thankfully, Wayne was quickly running out of partners and energy. Pradeep didn’t last long before being caught by Dean at mid-off from the bowling of the persistent Baggo. Baggo also cleaned up a mild mannered French mariner by the name of Hedgde who was sporting aviators and a white helmet. Beef Thief bowled with heart and got his just rewards by taking a sharp caught and bowled and then duly cleaned up Hird. Green was caught by Rudders at point off Davidson. Wayne was carrying on his merry way, however, and he was the last to go, the burly Yorkshireman bowled for 115 with one that kept low. Les Ormes finished with 267, but CtCCCC had taken the last six wickets for 42 runs and had arguably wrestled the momentum away from the French outfit.
At the interval the club’s brain trust gathered to discuss the approach and batting line up. The Chairman rolled the dice, opting for the combative combination of Rudders and Gimmers. The gamble paid off, with CtCCCC getting off to a flyer. Rudders set the tone with a high tempo 36, finding useful support from Gimmers (14). Dillon came in next and after surviving some scares early took the fight to the Les Ormes attack. After a number of memorable drives and pulls, Dillon eventually perished for an excellent 57 leaving Rory to remind Pemberton of the rules of the game, how to hold the bat, tell him when to run etc. Pemberton carried on where he had left off in the first innings. He even ran a couple of the face of the bat down to fine leg. After Hugh was caught for 25, his weird mate Brennan replace him in the middle. Wayne was bowling and beginning to blow. Brennan sensed his opportunity. When Wayne pitched one up just a fraction too much the ginger genius pounced. Bang! The ball went straight over Wayne’s head and up, up and away over the boundary for six. The CtCCCC dugout erupted and Wayne cursed furiously at himself and Brennan (the “little f*cker”) as he trundled back to his mark. Perhaps Brennan shouldn’t have made Wayne angry. His response was an effort ball that castled Brennan just two balls later. However, the game was now anyone’s as the Fawnbrake axis of Shaw and Davidson looked to find the remaining 35 or so runs. Unfortunately, Shaw couldn’t resist trying to plunder some runs off Coxy’s last over and was stumped attempting the ugliest of cross batted swats. The scene couldn’t have been better set for Dean, who knew that in this particular moment obstinance and concentration were more valuable than cricketing ability. Sadly, he got a ball with his name on. As the ball cannoned into the stumps, Dean squeaked a profanity loudly and briefly threatened to cry. Davidson remained statue like at the other end. He had been nurdling and nudging away with great effect for some time, but it was going to take two to tango. Luckily, the club’s specialist finisher, Fairbank, was in next and these two were able to find the remaining 25 runs with 3.2 overs to spare. The only injustice was that Fairbank hit the winning runs, ending with an invaluable 15*. Davo ended on 76*. A match winning knock if ever there was one. His opus magnum. On the boundary the following words were used to describe Rory’s innings: “surprising” “boring” “chanceless” “non-aerial”. I said nothing and smiled to myself and glanced whistfully at the shadow of the chateau that had by now spread itself across the bottom half of the outfield. “Little by little, the bird makes its nest”. I couldn’t have put it better myself.
So the series was drawn 1-1. Few could argue this was anything other than a fair result. A charming little presentation in front of the Chateau ensued with Davoe and Dean given ties to reflect their superb cricketing and organisational performances respectively. The skipper offered Dean some positive feedback on his charges. Contrary to all evidence and perceived wisdom Les Ormes did not think we were a complete bunch of prats. We were even invited back to play them again. For many, that would be a welcome proposition one day. But for now, the focus turns to….. Africa.
Best Player – Rory Davdison
Best Tourist – Ollie Fairbank
Champagne Moment – Bagggooooooo shouting “Bagooooooo’s”
S.J.M. Shaw